Welcome to 'SMBC Stories: Insights from the Journey'. In this heartfelt series, we delve into the lives of remarkable women who have embraced solo motherhood by choice. Through candid interviews, we aim to inspire, educate, and uplift those considering or embarking on this transformative journey. Join us as we share stories of resilience, courage, and determination, offering support to all navigating the journey to become a single mother by choice.
Dawn, 35
If I continued waiting for a relationship and ended up missing my chance for a biological child, I’d be devastated. So, I made the decision to go for it!
The decision-making process
What motivated you or inspired you to become a solo mother by choice? I always knew I wanted to be a mum, but I hadn’t yet found the right person to have children with. A friend of mine suggested going for a fertility assessment, where I discovered a few medical reasons why I should start trying for a baby sooner rather than later. At that moment, I decided that if I continued waiting for a relationship and ended up missing my chance for a biological child, I’d be devastated. So, I made the decision to go for it! I felt like it was the right time in my life to welcome a child.
becoming a single mother by choice: My FERTILITY JOURNEY
Can you share your experiences with fertility treatments or the path you took to concieve?
I started with a fertility assessment at my clinic to check things such as my egg count and fallopian tubes. On the advice of the doctor, I began with IUI. I went in for a scan around day 8 of my cycle to see if the follicles were growing, and then, when I had a positive ovulation test, I went in the next day for the insemination. Round 1 was unsuccessful, and for the next two months, I didn’t get a peak on the ovulation tests. So, it was decided that I would start on Clomid on day 2 of my cycle to stimulate the eggs to grow, then take an injection of Ovitrelle to trigger ovulation. I would then go to the clinic for insemination the next day. On my 4th round of IUI, the 3rd using medication, I fell pregnant with my daughter!
SUPPORT SYSTEMS
Building a community is crucial; can you share your experience in finding or establishing a network of fellow single mothers by choice?
I didn’t know any SMBC (Single Mothers by Choice) before I fell pregnant, but I knew I wanted to meet others for myself and for my daughter to know other donor-conceived children. I joined a Facebook group for UK-based SMBC and, through that, two WhatsApp groups: one for pregnant people due around the same time as me and one for SMBC in my local area. Since then, I have met up with several mums and children and have been on holiday twice with eight wonderful mums and babies. This has been incredibly important to me because I feel there are experiences unique to solo mums that others in different circumstances may not share. It is also important for my daughter to see others conceived in the same way as her to normalise it.
SOLO PARENTING Reflections
Reflecting on your journey, what stands out as the most rewarding aspect of being a single mother by choice?
Being able to make all the decisions myself, I hope they are the right choices for my daughter. Looking back at our journey so far, I’m super proud of how I have done this on my own and for the person she is growing into. I’ve found it incredibly rewarding to be her mum and to be part of her life.
FINANCES, WORK & MOTHERHOOD
Being a single mother by choice involves unique financial challenges. How do you navigate these challenges and overcome them effectively?
I knew raising a child as a solo parent would have its own challenges, so I wanted to ensure that financially I wouldn’t be struggling once she arrived. I waited until I was secure in my job and home, and I saved up for the treatment rather than putting costs on credit cards (thankfully, I was able to use the cheaper option of IUI). I then saved some money for my maternity leave and claimed universal credit for the months I wasn’t receiving any income while on maternity leave (I wasn’t aware beforehand that this was something I could do; a fellow SMBC informed me). Having that security means I can focus on raising my daughter without worrying about finances, which has been really beneficial for me.
LESSONS LEARNED
If you could offer advice to other woman considering or on a similar path, what would it be?
It can be tough, but don’t listen to anyone else other than your own feelings if this is what you want to do and you can provide a happy, safe home for your child. During my pregnancy, many people told me they couldn’t handle it on their own or how tough it was going to be, calling me brave and offering their advice. As soon as my daughter was in my arms, I knew this was what I was meant to do, and you absolutely can do this on your own.
CULTURAL & SOCIETAL PERCEPTIONS
How do you navigate societal perceptions or judgments about being a single mother by choice?
I am incredibly open about my choice to be a SMBC and use donor conception. My hope is to educate people and help normalise this route to parenthood. I am very grateful that, so far, I haven’t faced any direct judgment from anyone. I hope anyone who knows me can see how happy we are and how going down this route has been ideal for my situation.
FUTURE ASPIRATIONS
Are there plans to expand your family further down the line?
Yes, I would love at least one more full sibling for my daughter. She has donor-conceived friends through the networks we have made, but I want her to have someone she can really relate to as a donor-conceived person. It's just a matter of figuring out the right time for us!
WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMNT
If you could share a message with women considering the path of being a SMBC, what would it be?
Go for it! I always had doubts, especially right after leaving the clinic following each of my IUI rounds. However, the moment I saw that positive pregnancy test, all those fears and doubts disappeared, and I have never had a single ounce of regret. My daughter is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and she lights up my life. If you are considering this journey and can provide love, security, and happiness to a child, I wholeheartedly encourage you to go for it!
Dawn
We trust you found this heartfelt glimpse into Dawn's journey as a single mother by choice both insightful and inspiring. A sincere thank you to Dawn for graciously sharing her story with us. If you want to hear more empowering stories like this one, be sure to subscribe. Want to share your SMBC story? Email hello@smbclife.com Stay tuned for more uplifting tales from other single mothers by choice!
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